You know how you always have those friends - the ones whose lives are just that much complicated than yours, who make you so happy to be living your own life?  Every now and then, I spy on Jill and Eric, because reading what they are up makes me appreciate my "quiet" little family and my "simple" little life. I am not looking for sympathy, but want to make other people happy.  So.

This is my gift to you - after reading this you should take a breath.  Look around.  Appreciate.

We had a beautiful service for my Dad Saturday.  Last week, of course, was non stop action.  I did my best to be moving at all times, which was easy what with the grief, the FI (focus issues - so common we named it), planning an AZ memorial service, planning a MN memorial service, trying to write meaningful obituaries, find the right photo for the obituary, getting the obituaries published, eating, working because I scheduled a huge project for the week the girls were at camp since I could (in theory) work around the clock.  Just getting ready in the morning seems like a really big thing right now - I am not sure why, but it seems to like an insurmountable challenge each day.  I have stuffed hundreds of letters for the kid's PTO, written thank you notes, paid bills, organized the estate and had lots of house guests.  Bought flowers, appreciated the flowers, donated the flowers.  I had a lot of help, of course, and support and love.  That helped.

As we sat, sadly, at the end of Dad's open house, Phil said he was sad, and the details were weighing on him.  I had forgotten about the details. 

We are having a memorial for Phil's mother in Colorado next weekend.  I am not prepared.  We are thinking we are driving, and it is a long, long way.  We are burying my Dad's ashes August 10.  I need to arrange the service and a lunch.  Make reservations.  Communicate.  In our garage we have boxes of stuff from Phil's grandfather, his father, and his mother.  My Dad's whole house is full of memories and stories.  We have a backlog of ashes to scatter.

We are building a pool that isn't done, and some of the decisions aren't made.  I have a job, and two adorable children who don't have day care arrangements for the next 2 weeks (but need them), and then school starts August 14.  After I walked Andra through our plan for the next few weeks, and begged her to be tough for me, she asked "when are we going to shop for back to school?

I don't know.  I really don't know.  My brain feels like a Jackson Pollock painting, and I don't think that's good.

I only need to make it to tomorrow, I guess, and then on to the next tomorrow, after that. 

Love your life yet?